A Father's Confession

It never fails that when I seek to minister to others, God uses the experience to minister to me as well. A number of years ago, I was involved in our local county prison ministry. During that time, I met with hundreds of men and women that came from very broken homes. While in some cases the brokenness revolved around the life of the mother, the absentee or abusive father was by far the prominent variable that most of these men and women shared in common.

During those years of prison ministry, I could count on one hand the number of men and women that shared that their fathers had been a positive impact on their lives. Most often their stories were just the opposite. Sadly, this was true for those that said they were raised in Christian homes as well. This is not to say that the destiny of every child out there is forever tied to his or her relationship with their father. Yet, we cannot deny the tremendous influence that a father has on the lives of his children both for good and for bad.

In a very telling survey summary on Christian parenting, the Barna Group shared the following: “...we found that the qualities born again parents say an effective parent must possess, the outcomes they hope to facilitate in the lives of their children, and the media monitoring process in the household was indistinguishable from the approach taken by parents who are not born again.” They found that only 3 out of 10 Christian parents included the salvation of their children as a top priority within the parenting process (The Barna Group, Ltd. Parents Describe How They Raise Children, Feb. 2005).

Being involved in family ministry, I’ve had the opportunity to discuss the topic of absentee and/or passive fathers with pastors across denominational lines. Regardless of the pastor or the church, the overriding message is identical to Barna’s findings. Fathers, for the most part, have walked away from their primary responsibility as disciple-makers within their homes.

For myself, I know all to well how easy it is to stray from my God-given priorities as a father. Whether it is my work or just being more focused on taking care of the day to day non-family needs around me, too often my weeks can be filled with busyness that contributes little to nothing regarding the spiritual welfare of my children’s souls. The greatest tragedy in all of this is that I’m leading my children, and my wife for that matter, down a lifestyle path that is for the most part void of God.

I know the priorities I live out daily are the greatest influencers on my children. If I’m not intentionally building Christ and God’s Word into our daily household routine, I’m teaching them that our ongoing relationship with God is not that important. From his book, Bringing Up Boys, Dr. James Dobson notes: “Parents...need to ‘play offense’--to capitalize on the impressionable years of childhood...” As a father, it is not enough for me to tell my children not what to do, i.e. a good defense. I must have a game winning offense that translates into a daily pursuit of placing God first in my life.

Okay, here is my confession. Perhaps the following has happened to you as well. I had numerous projects and deadlines happening all at the same time. To compound this, we had scheduled a trip right smack in the middle of all the craziness. After weeks of going full throttle, it suddenly hit me that I had not spent any recent time in God’s Word with my children. My kids had watched their “ministry-driven” dad pour himself out for everyone else but his own children.

After a string of these lapses in my primary responsibilities as a father, I began to ask, “If we are not taking care of the most important things in life, why are we so busy with everything else?”

If my day-to-day life is not supporting this end, I am experiencing a serious missional drift. In some sense, I have chosen the world’s road and not the narrow one that God has established for my home. From a practical standpoint, I am creating a generational path for my children that will not lead them closer to God.

This has translated into the ongoing need to truly live out my convictions in a way that defines my life priorities. This does not mean that I will ever get it all right in this lifetime. Actually, I know very well how imperfect my life has been to date and will continue to be in some shape or form. However, it does mean that what matters most to me, my relationship with God, will define who I am and how I live.

God has, indeed, placed us dads in a powerful position of influence.  Without question, living out my life priorities for Him will impact my children and God will be glorified.  My children will see more of Him and less of me.  As a father, this is what it's all about.

Fatherhood Challenge:  Make sure your convictions are truly defining who you are and how you live.   They will shape the lives of your children...one way or another.

Tornado of the Spirit

Do you ever feel like your home is being ripped through by an emotional tornado?  Where previously blue skies become black and gale force winds blast apart your peaceful and well-constructed family?  Perhaps yours is in a season where it seems like your abode has been picked up and dropped down in the middle of tornado alley – and it’s storm season.

An incident in my life this week had me thinking about natural disasters in the home.  You know, when things go from cool to blazing hot in an instant and you say to yourself, “Whoa!  What happened?”  Generally, when that much emotion is generated I find I’m doing something really wrong - or really right.  Either way, these shake-ups deserve our attention.  It is easy to understand strife when we’ve slipped off track.  But what’s the deal with the grief when we’re doing the right thing?

Take Dr. James Dobson, for example.  Imagine being the source of an uninterrupted flow of criticism for nearly 40 years… the negative articles, the slams on television, nasty grams and hateful blogs, the gunshots and death threats – all reactions to his unwavering commitment to stand for the family and promote the biblical principles upon which solid families are built.  Bearing these attacks, both physical and spiritual, is the cost of his dedication and the burden of his God-given mission.  As mothers and fathers we also open ourselves up to spiritual attacks both from outside and even within the home.  Our assignment and responsibility is great.  Especially if we are on the right track as we shepherd our kids, live daily in faith, and are brave enough to be counter-cultural, we should expect the inevitable thunder and lightning.

I mentioned the attacks that Dr. Dobson has weathered.  The flip side to that cost is the incredible gain.  Over the years, millions of people have been reached and supported through his books, radio broadcasts, and ministry initiatives.  Generations of families have been impacted and inspired through his practical advice and living example.  Yes, the price has been high, but reward far greater.  In our homes too, our family’s spiritual foundation is what will anchor us through storms.  The payoff can be a spiritual legacy that will literally change the world.

If charged emotions are tearing at your family and you feel under siege, it may not be that you are doing something wrong.  In fact, it may be quite the opposite – that you’re standing firm in your values and prayerful convictions.  Never underestimate the enemy.  Satan is clever, deceptive, and powerful.  When given even the slightest crack into the Christian home he’ll use good for evil and work to exploit our human flaws.  Fortunately, our God is almighty.  Through Him our victory in this battle is imminent IF we do not allow our spirits to be broken by the fight.  Until then, know that the Lord can and will heal the damage created by the tornados of the spirit in your family, as He will in mine, if we let Him.

Fatherhood Challenge: Expect the rain.  Brace yourself.  Shelter your family.  Persevere!

Rise!

Business is naturally competitive.  Organizations make their case for commanding larger share of limited constituent time, mind space, and of course, financial support.  Nowhere is this more apparent than in the media – usually.

This weekend I had the pleasure of attending the National Religious Broadcasters (NRB) annual convention in Nashville, Tennessee.  There, I witnessed hundreds of men and women, representing some of the country’s largest radio, television, and online media professionals set aside their own agendas to stand together in a united mission: reaching the world with the Good News of Jesus Christ.  As different media personalities, network executives, and strategic experts of all types lifted the hood of their engines and discussed what made their own vehicles go fast, the decided absence of ego and personal advancement was inspiring – uplifting even.  With the open exchange of experience and support all boats will rise with the tide. 

What then does this have to do with the Fatherhood Challenge, you might ask?

I would submit that the keys to developing loyal, passionate, and engaged audiences are not dissimilar to what is required to create and maintain lasting relationships in the home, with our children.

• We must know our audience.

• We must work hard to capture attention.

• We must be interactive.

• We must be credible, provide actionable advice, and entertain.

• We must track performance and adjust our strategies to fuel growth.

• And, we must demonstrate that we care even more than we know.

To all the moms and dads out there, as producers and 24/7 performers on the set of family life - you know the stakes are at an all-time high.  We risk more than low ratings or languishing economically.  Popular or not, this program simply must not be cancelled.  The show must go on.

You can do it.  You’re a rock star.   

Fatherhood Challenge:  Rise to the challenge.