They’ll Always Need Us - Whether They Know It Or Not.

It’s one of the great struggles of parenting – providing unconditional love and nurturing care to our child at all growth stages while simultaneously developing independence and survival skills.
So often in our culture we see the debris left by young adults for whom the pendulum of balance swung too far one way or the other. It is the adult adolescent who’s entitled worldview started at home while his mom and dad handled nearly all of life’s blocking and tackling. It’s the lost 20-something who is already exhausted and disenfranchised from battling through trials and errors, largely alone, while desperately trying to figure out “the system” as her self-absorbed parents perpetuate their absentee legacy.

Ultimately, we seek to provide tools and training for our child to become healthy, happy, and saved - as well as - the personal security that having the lifelong emotional support of parents can provide.

As our kids grow into young adults, so too does the challenge of being allowed to provide that balanced support.

My eldest son is in his second year at an engineering-focused college. Clearly, the kid is bright. Like the advanced environmental challenges and theoretical models that he and his fellow students reverse engineer (for fun), he has much of life “figured out.” I’m tickled when I see him take charge, doing research about things both large and small and weighing his life’s options - even when a little disappointed when I hear about important decisions he’s made, after the fact. Such is the price of letting go.

Recently, as my son prepared for an upcoming job fair, I was taught something important about the ongoing challenge of being a balanced and supportive father to an increasingly self-reliant young man. He came to my wife and I for help in securing a suit for the fair. He wasn’t (initially) asking for advice on how to present himself or how to succeed at the event. However, being there for him with the small thing provided us the time together to sneak in a little real experience and wisdom – the much larger thing. Too often have I provided the answers to the “more important questions,” without first answering the question asked!

I suggested that my son borrow one of my suits. In fact, he could have the pick of the litter. If I’d simply told him to borrow someone else’s suit or just transferred a few bucks into his bank account, I would not have had the canvas (or his attention) to share with him the benefits of my experience and what will really outfit and serve him well at his job fair. As I was cinching up his tie, I’m pretty sure we were both thinking, “This worked out OK. How do we do more of this?”

Many parents preemptively mourn the day that their child will not need them anymore. I believe that day should never come. By looking for invitations to “be there” for our maturing kids, we will continue to prove to them that they can rely upon us, even as their independence grows. What greater testimony to relationship than to be wanted in our child’s life once they run it for themselves.

At any age, our babies won’t care how much we know unless they know how much we care.

Challenge: What is one way you can solicit the invitation to “be there” for your child this week?

Admonitions to good parenting abound in Scripture. We are to “train a child in the way he should go” (Proverbs 22:6), giving him good gifts (Matthew 7:11), loving and disciplining him for his sakes (Proverbs 13:24), and providing for his needs (1 Timothy 5:8).