A Taste of Bitter Fruit

Does threatening about consequences work with your kids? My wife Kelly bought me a great little book this week titled, 1001 Things it Means to Be a Dad, by Harry H. Harrison Jr.

Killer stuff! Some of the truths contained therein were so simple. Others were hilarious. Still others I couldn’t help but want to volley back, “Yes, in theory…”

#891 Being a dad means realizing threats mean nothing. Consequences mean everything.

“Darn straight!” I thought to myself, and then was immediately conflicted. You see, I don’t intend to threaten about anything really, unless in jest. I mean what I say when I say it, if not always how I say it. When I kindly offer, “I’ll be pleased to glue your face shut if you’d like,” of course I’m only inquiring, “Can we lower the volume a tad, my volume-blessed sons?”

However, when it comes to setting conditional behavioral scenarios (rules and consequences), sometimes due to my own time crunch, busyness or fragmentation of attention, I fail to close the loop. Instead, the fair and reasonable consequences that were set for off-track behavior simply become threats with no moxie. This is an anti-lesson. Worse yet, the next time when I appropriately follow-through with discipline on the same issue, my kids are even more confused because the last time I let it slide. This does them no favor. Ah, the scourge of consistency!

Then there is the issue of allowing our children to struggle a bit, especially when they’ve earned it. This is really tough and unnatural for me, particularly when it is the world doling out payback. It’s my job to protect the ‘lil beasts, right? Well, not always.

Dr. James Dobson offers this bit of gold in his straight-to-the-point video, Actions Lead to Consequences. He notes, the “taste of bitter fruit that irresponsibility brings can teach a young child valuable lessons that may be useful to him later on.”

I guess that is the point.  Let them have a taste. I think the only way kids come to understand the reality of life’s causes-and-effects is to gift them with the experience of consequences. And, better that this happen at home - when they are young.

Challenge: Before setting in stone the next consequence for errant behavior with your kids, ask yourself: Am I willing, capable and committed to doing my part to execute the consequence consistently? Idle threats can be more damaging than the sting of justice.