After an adventuresome expedition and cruise around downtown Denver, we returned to a parking garage and I proceeded to the front passenger side of my vehicle. Presuming I was getting in the car, my middle son stopped and asked, “Dad, what’re you doing? Grandma can’t drive your car.” As a point of reference, you must know that my car is tall – armored tank tall.
I was stunned by the question. Had my boys not seen me open the car door, the doors of the shops we just perused, the door to the restaurants, all the doors – all the time, for my mother? Why would it seem odd or out of place to him that I help my energetic (but 5’3”) mother into her seat? Have they not seen me do the same thing hundreds of time for my wife? Apparently not.
Nailed. Failed. This lesson about respect for women and the demonstration of care for our loved ones, (and dare I say, chivalry,) apparently has flown way below their radar. My assumption that showing my values and modeling the behavior that I wish to see in my boys was simply insufficient to make a lasting impression. I’ve been reminded that for this lesson as well as other fathering opportunities I must show and tell to accomplish the desired influence. Now that we’ve had that “teaching moment” about boys and doors, we’ll test the theory thoroughly and see if I’m not the only guy to hold the door for their mom.
“And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” Deuteronomy 6:6-8
Challenge: What lessons are you assuming that children are naturally picking up? This week, take the time to explain one lesson to ensure they understand what and why it is important to you, and why it should be important to them too.
Thank you for the challenge.
ReplyDeleteI have always thought abou the times when I have presented a negative or hurtful behavior to my girls. I try to go back and mend things and patch fences, but I have not thought much about the positive behaviors that I demonstrate and the need to draw their attention to those too. I can especially see this with their mom--as I demonstrate care and compassion for her, I need to make sure they get it: this is how a husband should treat a wife, and by wife I mean you someday!
ReplyDeleteWhenever my husband leaves me and our seven children in the car to go into a store, the kids and I make it a point to watch other men and women to see which men are being chivalrous and which ladies are allowing them to be. It's a fun way to point out good behaviors that they should copy and bad ones they should not. It gives us a chance to discuss these actions so that I know it's sinking in for them. So now when we go somewhere, my little ones even say, "Let's watch men and women."
ReplyDeleteBrilliant - making a "game" out of social observation while reinforcing values - as well as providing an opportunity to discuss inconsistent cultural trends. Love it Amber!
DeleteI'm with Amber.
DeleteSigned,
The Chivalrous Husband Who Leaves His Wife and Seven Children in the Car to Go Into a Store ... :D